Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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