The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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