If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
