he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
