Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
