My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize