I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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