very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
