All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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