He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
