I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
