Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
