The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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