Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am midnight drunk by noon
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
