I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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