So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry about my life...
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