I CAN MOONWALK!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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