so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
