i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
