I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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