This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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