Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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