he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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