Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
