Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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