I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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