I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
