I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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