I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
