dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
