Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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