after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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