I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
