i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
