so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well I just put wine in my tea
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
