My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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