i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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