Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize