You're completely useless in the revolution.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize