I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
