So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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