umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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