I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
