I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize