Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
