i barfeds in our rink
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
