Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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