I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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