I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
