after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize