I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
