At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
