Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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