'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
