I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
