I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
