I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
