My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
