Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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