Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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