3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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