I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
