you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize