3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your face is a jimmy john
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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