Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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