So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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