The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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