News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
