He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
