I'm laying in your front yard are you home
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize