youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
