Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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