We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
