Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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