I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
