Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize