She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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