I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
