He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
