Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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