We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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