I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
