hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
