i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
