You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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