Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
