We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
