he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
