she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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