I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
