Already got asked if we're dating
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
