R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
