i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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