I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
