Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
