You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
