I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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