He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize