Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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