Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
