i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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