The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
